When one experiences a traumatic event, brain chemistry is altered and literally functions differently.
This is a good thing, because it's a protective mechanism we all have inside of us.
However, it changes us.
We can will to be happy.
We can choose joy.
But our brains are suffering major changes within, in spite of our diehard efforts.
This picture was taken less than three months after my son Daniel died by suicide on a Memorial Day. At this event, I’m willing myself to be happy again. Unfortunately, people were telling me my son would not want me to be sad. One lady even told me to “snap out of it.”
After going into a dark cave for most of the summer following my son’s death, I made the decision to climb out of the pit. . .to be normal again.
I willed not to let the tragedy take me under with it.
I was determined not to allow my life to be controlled by my emotions.
But no one told me my brain had changed.
I was not the same on the inside--and all of the willing, committing, rejoicing, dancing, socializing in the world wasn't going to fix it.
And neither were the guilt trips from others.
“If you don’t get back to church, your marriage and children are going to suffer.” -a pastor’s wife
Instead, my brain needed healing. . . not months of healing; but years of healing.
I had been hit by 10-ton dump truck and was bleeding out.
I needed urgent intensive care in order to stop the bleeding and save my life; followed by months in rehab and eventually quiet days at home.
Healing from the aftermath of a tragic event takes time.
My brain has healed significantly this past decade, but there are moments I still notice I’m not the same.
If you are suffering from the aftermath of trauma, and others around you don't understand your absence—or why you've changed so much--ignore their comments; they've never experienced deep trauma. Not to mention, it’s totally rude and unacceptable for others to determine your healing journey.
Know that you are okay.
You don't lack resilience or grit.
You are not weak-willed.
You are not a recluse.
You just need intensive care--and the time and space to heal.
I encourage you to take the time and space necessary to heal. . . and to seek a licensed trauma-informed therapist in order to help facilitate the process.
Much peace and comfort to you,
Emily
Emily Boller, artist, mother, and author of Starved to Obesity, lost 100 pounds more than fifteen years ago by eating an abundance of high-nutrient, plant-rich foods. Today, she’s certified in whole plant nutrition from the Nutritarian Education Institute. She’s on a mission to combine practical, no-nonsense and cost-effective tips—with easy to understand science—in order to help anyone escape the addictive grip of the Standard American Diet. And now, she’s on a mission to bring awareness to the suffocating and potentially deadly trap of eating disorders as well. Unfortunately, she lost her 21-year-old son to suicide in 2012.