I posted this picture on social media recently—with a caption of how it was so sad--and several people asked me to explain.
A couple of years prior to this picture being taken for a professional photo shoot, I had lost a significant amount of weight by eating lots of quality nutrition. I eradicated pre-diabetes, lowered my cholesterol and blood pressure, strengthened my immune system, and I felt great!
I weighed myself once/month, simply to record the number for an art exhibit. . .but the scale didn’t rule my life at that time—or dictate what I ate on any given day.
But that all changed when I was advised to eat less in order to be a smaller size.
And that’s when the scale began to rule my life; I started weighing myself daily. I started denying food in order to be smaller. . .which evolved into restricting more food and undereating. . .which evolved into skipping meals altogether in order to see the number on the scale decrease even more.
Without realizing it at the time, the disordered eating turned into a full-blown eating disorder that lasted for more than a decade. I was in such deep denial of the severity of it that it took EMDR therapy years later to unbury it and heal.
This picture was taken for the front cover and inside article of a popular women’s magazine. The periodical was placed at every checkout in America’s grocery markets, drugstores, and Walmart stores. For the photo shoot, I fasted in order to be smaller, because my weight was going to be published. (The same happened for a popular daytime television talk show, except the host of the show broadcast my weight to millions of viewers. Once again, I fasted in order to be the smallest size possible.) Sadly, I could never reach the recommended weight, no matter how hard I tried.
Unfortunately, it was when I was in the depths of the eating disorder—at my sickest--that I received the most praise and applause (and whistles!).
I will always eat high-nutrient, unprocessed foods, because my body responds so beautifully to them.
However, I’ve stepped away from America’s obsession with diet-wellness culture. . .and my body is healing again as a result.
There’s so much more to health than a number on the scale.
Emily Boller, wife, mother, artist, and author is on a mission to create expressive works of art in her lifetime; and to bring awareness to the potentially harmful traps of diet-wellness culture.
In her free time, she loves to chase sunrises, grow flowers and vegetables, and can homemade soups.